Dr. Ron Sumners
March 21, 2004
It was about nine o’clock at night. A man knocked at his pastor’s door in a highly nervous condition and explained to the pastor that he had been in a bad state all day. The pastor asked what had happened to upset him so much. The man said, “This is a letter I received this morning.”
He showed the pastor a letter that was from an irate husband who told the man that if he did not stop running around with his wife he would blow his head off. The pastor advised that he simply stop seeing the man’s wife. The man replied, “But pastor, he forgot to sign his name!”
Sex is a wonderful gift from God. Some religious groups through the years have said that it is for procreation only and any use other than for that purpose is sinful. Is sex for procreation only? If we were talking about frogs, I would agree. Frogs play an important role in our ecology; they eat insects. Without frogs, the world would be overrun by insects, triggering an ecological catastrophe. Since frogs die, there must be some way of replacing them, and that way is sex. But sex for frogs involves no virtues and therefore no vices. Frogs do not live in loving relationships, they are not monogamous, they do not commit adultery, they do not have abortions, they do not abuse their offspring, and tadpoles are neither wanted nor unwanted, nor do they care what happens to them. Among frogs there are no prostitutes or battered spouses. In the case of frogs, it is true, and I agree, the purpose of sex is procreation.
But in the case of human beings, I disagree. Unlike frogs, humans play no role in the ecology, in fact, we damage it. If humans were removed from the world, the ecology would suffer no great catastrophe. Like frogs, humans are in the world, unlike frogs, humans are not of the world. We do not serve the ecology; the ecology serves as the area of our redemption. Sexuality is a part of our humanity as created by God and He proclaimed it “good!”
Sex is a beautiful gift from God, designed by the Creator to be shared by one man with one woman as husband and wife. Marriage is a covenant relationship put together by God and adultery always occurs in our minds way before it happens in reality.
Satan and the world will tell you that sexual activity is what God designed us for and therefore there should be no limitations as long as both parties consent. I felt a wave of nausea as I listened to the news, as a well-known celebrity gave support to same sex marriages by stating that love is a spiritual matter between two people and an affair of the heart, therefore the government should have no jurisdiction. Murder can be an affair of the heart and an affair between two people also, but no one would argue the government does not have a right to make laws prohibiting murder!
The culture we live in today scoffs at the concept of sexual fidelity in marriage. Part of the reason may be the influences we are bombarded with daily. From a study made of 104 leading television writers and executives conducted by the Center for Media and Public Affairs, the study found that Hollywood’s views run far from the mainstream of public opinion. Though 85% of Americans believe adultery is wrong, only 49% of TV writers and executives do. Fifty-nine percent of Americans say that a woman has a right to an abortion, ninety-seven percent of TV executives and writers. Only 4% of Americans state no religious preference; 45% of the TV writers and executives have none.
It is no wonder that our society is flooded with messages about sex that are contrary to God’s Seventh Commandment “You shall not commit adultery.” Our divorce rate and the number of married couples in counseling over extra-marital affairs has never been higher. It is time that we stop listening to Hollywood and start listening to God.
There are 150 pornographic movies made per week in America. The music that our teens listen to has lyrics that are full of sexual innuendo and worse. All are lies from Satan to seduce us away our bodies do not just belong to God; they also belong to our spouse. Even if we are single, our bodies do not belong simply to us so that we can do whatever we desire with them. Our bodies belong to God. We are the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit! Listen to what Paul said: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified; that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)
Our society is increasingly promiscuous. TV, the movies, the media all teach that sex is just a pleasurable activity that can be separated from marriage. Society says that if it doesn’t hurt anyone, and two people are of legal age and consent; if it feels good – do it! Grab for all the gusto you can get, because you only go around once in life as the Swedish bikini team drops in!
Jesus makes the 7th Commandment even tougher and narrower in the Sermon on the Mount. Matthew 5:27 says, “You have heard it said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’”
God gives us the 7th Commandment to obey today because God seeks to preserve marriages and families.
Our spiritual lives are tested in three areas that Richard Foster talked about some years ago: money, sex, and power. Most of our temptations come from one of those three areas. Marriage has a high priority to God. He desires for us to come to the marriage pure and to remain undefiled after we are married. When we are married we become “one flesh” and sexual immorality and impurity can have no place in the life of a Christian. Jesus seems to say that we should not even begin to think that way. If our thoughts become sexually impure, our actions may soon follow!
The world judges people by their deeds, God judges by the contents of our hearts. God judges by our thoughts and so we have no right to judge others who have done what we have fanaticized about! Any impurity like that is adultery to God.
A church that is able to help hurting people in this world cannot be self-righteous. People do stumble and fall into sin of various kinds. You may not have fallen into adultery but you are fallen. Your sin drove the spikes into Jesus’ hands and feet just as surely as did the adulterers.
We all need a Savior because we are all guilty. “If a brother is overtaken in a fault,” Paul tells us in Galatians 6:1, “we should restore such a one in the spirit of meekness, considering ourselves, lest we are also tempted.”
Sex is like a great river that is rich and deep and good when it stays within its boundaries. But the minute the river overflows its boundaries, it becomes destructive. Sex is like that in the context of marriage. It is rich and good, but outside of marriage it becomes a destructive force. Instead of being a source of creation and affection it changes in character to a force of evil and destruction.
God expects exclusivity in marriage because He expects exclusivity in our relationship to Him. The marriage relationship is presented all through scripture as a picture of our relationship with God. That is why He is so offended when a marriage is broken. They mar the picture that He intended of one woman and one man in love with each other for their whole lives, willing to sacrifice anything and everything for the benefit of the other. Adultery is not just a matter of one spouse sinning against the other. It is a matter of sinning against God and His holy design for relationships and the family.
Adultery is an offense against God because it destroys trust. It is the breaking of a vow that two people have made with each other. When a heart-felt trust is betrayed, it makes it much harder for people to trust in God and believe that He will fulfill His promises.
Marriage is a covenant relationship put together by God between one man and one woman. The only way it works as God intended is when Christ is in the center. We husbands must love our wives as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for it. Wives need to respect and support their husbands and help them fulfill their roll as the spiritual leader of the home. Sex is a part of that wonderful relationship instituted by God. Sex is not a reward or punishment given or withheld in a manipulative manner.
Whether we win or lose the battle for a faithful marriage will depend on our thought life. We must avoid the thinking that says “the grass is greener on the other side”.
Men particularly need to make a covenant with our eyes not to look lustfully at another woman. We need to be particular about what we watch and read. When our thoughts turn away from home and the bride of our youth, can our actions be far behind?
Samson was the strongest man who has ever lived. One day he woke up bald, bound with his head in Delilah’s lap because lust made a fool of him. This sin of adultery can occur way before we wake up with our head in Delilah’s lap. It can occur when we lust and covet in our minds and hearts.
Let’s go back to my frog analogy. Frogs have a function, but humans have a destiny. Unlike frogs, humans have no need to replace themselves, not only because we perform no natural function, but because we are immortal spiritual beings.
Humans have sexuality because we are animals. Therefore, we mate and have children. While it is true that much of our sexuality results in rape, adultery, betrayal, abortions, abused and abandoned children, battered spouses, and prostitution, these vices are only possible because we are capable of virtues.
And here is where we find the true purpose of human sexuality. In Christianity, there is no differentiation between spiritual and material, between law and grace. Our sexuality serves a spiritual purpose, even if we are childless or even celibate. Our sexual urges force us to be social creatures, for without it we would be content to be hermits, never learning the joy of fellowship, never learning the give-and-take of love or friendship, never learning from each other the skills we need to have for full fellowship with God, or to even understand our relationship with God.
The primary purpose of our sexuality is neither procreation nor recreation! It is to teach us how to love, how to have fellowship; and when one day we die and slough off this cocoon of sexuality, we will emerge as creatures fully able to contemplate God, fully capable of having fellowship with Him forever!
If we cannot remain true to our sexual commitment to one person for the few years we have here, how do we expect to keep an eternal commitment with God?
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