Dr. Ron Sumners
August 16, 2009
Death by inches is the slow, gradual accumulation of the heat and pressure of life without making needed changes. We let circumstances dictate our direction, and we take the path of least resistance instead of seizing the challenges and making sure we stay on track.
Most of us can’t identify a dividing line between the time we had that driving purpose and the time we lost it. The change happened much too gradually. We can tell we have experienced death by inches when:
We almost always take the safe way and are unwilling to take risks.
We go to work only to pay bills and live for vacations.
We think of work when we are home and think of home when we are at work.
Nothing excites us.
Most of life is just going through the motions with no real purpose.
Our thoughts are consumed with trivial “have to’s”.
We avoid decisions.
We blame others for our misfortunes.
We daydream about retirement (even though it may be many years away.)
We gripe about the specifics of our ill health far too much.
We live in and through our children, and we have no life of our own.
We can’t sleep or we sleep too much.
We eat the same things at the same places with the same people, and talk about the same things day after day, week after week, month after month.
We talk a lot about what we used to do.
There is nothing that we really enjoy or that brings us pleasure.
Our thoughts are filled with regret and the “if only’s”
If only I had studied in school
If only I had taken that job
If only I had married someone else
If only I had made more money
If only I had had better parents
If only everyone hadn’t been against me
If only I knew what to do
If only I were taller
If only I had a different nose
If only I had a different body
Stagnation in our lives and careers can be caused by any of a multitude of factors that often come in clusters. If they happened one at a time, we could identify them more clearly and deal with them more effectively, but when several occur at the same time, we get overwhelmed. For example, young couples often have to juggle buying a house, having children, moving, and job stresses all at the same time. Middle-age adults have the common stresses of raising teenagers, sending them off to college, paying for that college education, caring for aged parents, the threat of downsizing at work, and personal health concerns. Senior adults worry about the transitions that come with age: transition to a retirement facility, loss of mobility, loneliness, death of a spouse and many others. Combinations of disappointments and stresses steal our vision and erode our enthusiasm. These things blur our dreams until they no longer exist. We don’t think any more about making a difference in the world. We are only concerned with making it through the day. Our lofty goals and expectations are lowered with each passing disappointment, each fleeting, dull day. We become self-focused and intense about our own well-being, or worse, we become apathetic altogether. I have listened to people talk about their experience of losing passion for life and settling for a stagnant existence. People who have lost purpose and passion say things like:
“I’m never able to do what I want to do.”
“I feel smothered by her.”
“I feel so tied down, I wish I could be free.”
“How did I get so much responsibility and so little help and time?”
“Nothing is ever going to change.”
“My life is out of control and I can’t do anything about it.”
“I feel hopeless. I don’t even know how to take the first step.”
“I am just so tired!”
As I have observed people go through these stresses, I have seen one factor that robs us of positive passion more than any other; bitterness. There is plenty of passion in bitterness. In fact, it provides tremendous energy, but it is the destructive energy of a tornado. Not the constructive energy of a power plant.
The writer of Hebrews tells us, “See to it that… no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” (Hebrews 12:15) The Greek word for “root” refers to a particular kind of root that was taken from the ground, ground up and mixed with oil or water. It was used as a stain or dye.
So, the verse means; be careful not to let bitterness take over your life because it will stain and color how you look at the world. It will stain every relationship, goal, and thought.
Bitterness leads to cynicism so that people question any kindness they receive and every gentle word they hear uttered. People who live lives stained by bitterness will always assume the worst of every situation and every person. They will mistrust the motive of others, even if it is to help! They push others away. They despise other people because they despise themselves.
Bitterness stains a person’s identity. He always sees himself as the one who has been wronged.
Bitter people are demanding people. They demand that others suffer for the offensive behavior they inflict. They expect every person they meet to fill the gaping hole by loving them, giving to them and accepting them.
Bitter people are adamant that they won’t ever get hurt again. Of course, that expectation is totally unreasonable. All of us, living in the real world, will experience hurt from time to time.
The bitter person can’t forgive. Each new offense, no matter how slight, is perceived as another grievous wound, and the demands only multiply and harden. Not a pretty picture, but a very common one. There was a man who had a beautiful fishing lake. Someone who knew him said that his greatest joy in life was telling people they could not fish in his lake. I think I know that guy! In fact, I think he has been a member in every church of which I have ever been a part!
Every church has bitter people. They demand the attention of the pastor and ministers in the church. They are tornados of conflict and they live with a perpetual chip on their shoulder that is knocked off by the slightest real or perceived offense.
Our personality makes a difference in how we experience death by inches. In different individuals, death by inches may take the form of:
a volcano, simmering quietly until pressure builds and it explodes
a zombie, emotionless and apathetic, giving up on love and meaning
a wallflower, afraid of being hurt again, unwilling to take the risks of relationship
a critic, finding fault in everything
a Pollyanna, always sugar sweet, always insincere
a clown, covering the pain of emptiness and pain with a few laughs
a fixer, unable to solve their own problems, they focus on other’s problems
It takes tremendous courage to face the facts in our lives. If it had happened all at once, we could grab the dragon by the throat and slay it! But the accumulation of multiple stresses, the breakdown of an important relationship, the disappointments piling up day after day, and the corrosion and bitterness take their toll. It is easier for us to just close our eyes and keep on going the way we are rather than make the hard choices necessary for change.
There is the story of a farmer who had a majestic-looking tree near his house. It appeared to be perfect; tall, straight and of immense size. One morning he was working in the garden and saw a squirrel run up and disappear into a hole in the tree. He began to think that the tree might be hollow. He examined the tree carefully and discovered that the tree was indeed hollow. Only a rim of sound wood encircled a hollow core. What was he to do? If he cut it down it would be very expensive, plus there was the danger that if he did not cut it down it might be blown over by the wind and cause damage to his house. He turned sadly and said, “I wish I had never seen that squirrel!”
I am sure that some of you are feeling that way about this sermon about now! There are times in our lives when we are hollow on the inside, and the easiest thing to do is to try to ignore the squirrel. The wisest thing to do is to examine the truth and embrace it. That is the only way that we can make wise and effective changes. Only when we accept the truth can the Holy Spirit work to make us free.
A lot of people have a rocking chair mentality; a lot of motion with no progress. They are like the plate spinner in the Vaudeville show, who rushed around to the music of “The flight of the Bumble Bee” spinning the plate after plate on a stick, keeping them all in the air until he got the last one going. A lot of activity, but very little accomplished.
Some of us are doing the same thing; running to work, taking the kids to school or practice, shopping, going to parties, church, and all kinds of other events, hoping we can keep it all going and keep it from all crashing at our feet!
Our children are watching, ready to take our places as plate-spinners. I am convinced that children are far too busy. Free play for children is a thing of the past. If adults catch them at it, we feel obliged to add adult supervision and organization and at the same time steal the joy of simple play. Consequently, we squash imagination and personal motivation.
Even God took a day off! He designed the Sabbath for rest. On that day we are to worship, but also, we are to use this day to refocus and gain perspective. This one day represents the peace we can have every day with the Spirit in our hearts.
I heard a very successful man say, “I’m trying to work myself into a heart attack.” He did not realize that he was being prophetic. He died just weeks after that. To him it seemed that the only honorable thing to do was to work himself to death. There are men in this congregation who are a lot like that man, who want to be carried out on their shield. Their pallbearers can say, “He never took a vacation. He was so committed to his work. What an example!” And all the plates crashed to the floor.
Many of us work hard for years in the hope that we can be comfortable and relaxed in retirement. We see commercials about happy, older couples rowing boats in serene waters while the announcer tells us that they made wise investments. It looks pretty good – especially if we are working 60 hours a week to afford our kid’s college education, pay the ever increasing cost of living and still have just a little to invest wisely! We can’t ever think of rowing serene waters; we are still spinning plates!
Many people are so preoccupied with the future that they fail to live today. They are so busy planning for the way things will be one day that they are dying by inches every day.
Change is inevitable! It is not a probability; it is a certainty. We can try to avoid it, but then we lose all the joy of seeing dreams fulfilled. The key to creating change is by seeking the “Abundant Life” that Christ can give to us.
Too many people are experiencing death by inches. We have given our lives to the things the world can give and we only end up frustrated, depressed and bitter. Seek the peace that only a relationship with Christ can bring!
“Like the woman at the well, I was seeking, the pleasures earthly things afford; but none can match the wondrous treasure that I find in Jesus Christ, my Lord. So, my brother, if the things this world gives you, leave hungers that won’t pass away, my blessed Lord will come and save you, if you’ll kneel to Him and humbly pray: ‘Fill my cup, Lord. I lift it up Lord. Come and quench this thirsting of my soul. Bread of Heaven, feed me till I want no more. Fill my cup. Fill it up and make me whole.’”
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